Never ever forget

As time marches on, some people want me to sweep my feelings under the rug. They seem to not be able to understand why I haven’t moved forward past mourning for my sweet baby boy. I have noticed that others do not want me to bring up Leo any longer. They change the topic faster than it takes to change the channel.

Acknowledge that I have a son! He’s dead but not forgotten. Help me maintain his memory by letting me talk about him just a little. I love my son and even if he is in Heaven, I still think about him as much as I think about my living children. I miss the little guy.

Grief has no expiration date.

Chimes

I swear I just witnessed a
little rusty jingle bell
rolling
down the gutter of the street.

When I went to find it,
nothing was there?

In its place all I heard was
the far off ringing
of someone’s decorative chimes
fluttering in the breeze.

Was it coincidence
or was it an angel?

Maybe it was my baby son in Heaven,
letting me know
everything
is going to be all right.

Shell

My little baby boy. The one who got away.

Stumbling through the past few months, I have been struggling to find every smile. I have been feeling pretty low lately. I am only a shell of who I was.

I miss you so much. I long for what should have been our life. I can’t sleep, then I can’t stay awake. The stress of it all tears me up inside. The days fade into weeks, which fade into months.

I often look forward to being alone. My tolerance for others is pretty low. People have been misunderstanding my words for a few weeks now, which frustrates me and gets me into trouble.

I’m holding back tears and sadness because I feel the weight of the world pushing me down. My dreams are more like nightmares lately.

On the flip side, my girls make me happy. They are funny, interesting, and so lovable. Angela can barely move because of the pregnancy. I’m so excited to meet my little Zoe, but sometimes I feel that the emptiness of my day is to much to handle.

I miss you Leo. Vi miss you so very much.