As I sit here on a lazy Tuesday after a hard day of work
I feel centered. I am feeling a little reminiscent of the plans I had for Life with Leo. I really wanted to take him fishing and to football games. More than that though, I wanted to have someone to relate too. While I appreciate the time I did share with Leo I wish I could have had a little more time to do the man stuff.
It’s 2 months today since my world was tipped upside down. My sweet little son, I miss you so much more than words can express.
Forgiveness is so hard to do. I find that it is hard to forgive some of those who are close to me. Perfection does not happen on Earth. The process of forgiving pushes me to deal with some of my problems and issues.
Am I bitter?
I would like to wish people well whom I have forgiven. I have been offended so many times by people since Leo passed.
What is wrong with wanting sympathy or empathy.
Romans 8:28 is not something someone should say to a grieving individual.
Do not try to teach me something while I am grieving.
Hurt people, hurt other people.
I need to try to be able to let go of silly things people say (when they put their foot in their mouth). I need to try to be gracious.
They are no more perfect than I am.
We are just shy of two months since Leo passed. It feels like it has been a lifetime since I last saw my baby son. Life has gotten easier in many respects and harder in many others. It’s been easier because many of the “what ifs, could have/should haves” have dissipated. What I find now is that I just want to keep his memory alive. I have been looking into the QR code headstone plaques that will take people to a website that will have pictures and a place to leave messages. I miss my son everyday.
Here is a necklace I had made to honor my son. It is am imprint of his foot shrunk down. Now my son is walking with me wherever I go.
I am waiting…
I know not what for?
But I still sit here,
anticipating our reunion.
I am waiting…
I know not for how long?
It may be decades,
until our reunion.
I am waiting…
To hold you again.
My arms are weak without you,
my handsome son.
I love and miss you…
Every moment of the day.
So, I sit by your grave,
waiting for our reunion.
Tonight we went to a fundraiser to support a family who is going to adopt their 4th child. It was fun and heartwarming to be around so many loving people. We had a chance to share a little bit about Leo, which was really nice.
It may seem difficult at first to bring up your child, but when you do it feels really good. We have three children, a 3 year old, 1 year old, and one who is playing with angels 🙂
I like to hear about the greatest events in people’s lives. Their accomplishments that they think about and shaped who they are today. I’m not talking about the turning point moments, like a first kiss, graduation, getting married, having kids, or even the death of a loved one (although I do enjoy those stories as well). I am talking about those events that you tell with your buddies over a beer. life’s cool stories. For me, I can easily say that one of the coolest things I ever did was drive cross country with my good friend Ryan. We drove up the coast all the way to Alaska, then we went all the way back down to Colorado, then back up to the Great Lakes, into New York, back down through North Carolina, and took the 40 all the way home. Everyday was a new adventure and every part of the country brought new sights. That trip was nearly 14 years ago, but I still feel like it was yesterday.
I often have thought about spending Summers with my children, taking road trips to wherever. It makes me sad to think I will never get to do that with my little Leo. A parent should not have to bury a child and a father should not have to bury his only son.
Yet, I will say that I feel God is leading me on a journey that will feel far cooler than my road trip. I feel like I am living in the eve of maybe the coolest events of my life. Something about what we are going through right now seems greater than us.
I sit here at La Vista knowing that Jesus is here with me and baby Leo is close in toe.
We have begun our own Hero’s Journey after the passing of Leo. It’s amazing how all of my life I have heard that I will someday find something to be passionate about. I have thought many times that I would find it in something like work. However, I now know that I was completely wrong. Leo’s passing threw me into my calling… I am sad about my son but I am excited about how I will get to help other grieving families Andre able to honor my son. My Hero’s Journey is just beginning! I do this with my family. I do this with the spirit of my son. Thank you Jesus for blessing us with Leo, even if only for a short time. His body was dead but his memory will not die. Lord, bless Leo and all the other babies who’s lives ended to soon.