Featured

About

cropped-image11.jpgWelcome and thank you for visiting my blog.  In April of 2013 my wife and I lost our son to SIDS. I decided to write about my feelings and experiences to share with you all because dealing with this alone would be crazy. Here you will read my raw, uncut honest thoughts. I hope that in some way my journey can help someone else as they deal with tragedy.

At about 2 am on Wednesday, April 11, 2013 our world was shattered by the sudden passing of our 3 1/2 week old son, Leo.

This blog is my way of remembering our baby son and how I am doing trying to moved forward. I will always love you, Baby Leo.

Love, dad

Advertisements

We are coming up on 5 years

Last week, Facebook reminded me that 5 years ago I was driving Angela to the hospital for the impending arrival of our son, Leo. It ended up being a false alarm. We ended up spending the following week doing everything we could think of to make Angela go into labor. I remember those days fondly, but I also look back on that time as someone else’s life. So many emotions and experiences have happened since then, and I have grown so much as a person. Our son Leo has changed my life in so many ways. I miss him so much and I would give anything to have him back.

I can’t believe it’s been 5 years. I love you son! I know we’ll be together again someday.

L.O.V.E.

2018 will bring many great and many not so great times. I have to remember to live life fully, always be grateful for what I have been blessed with, and not to take myself too seriously. That is my goal this year.

Birthdays

The only thing I want for my birthday is to spend time with my kids…all of my kids. I don’t need a party, gifts, or cake. What I need is continued reassurance that this life is worth fighting for. For me, that reassurance is my children.

I over did it, again

Yesterday, we went to the horse track with some friends. The day was fantastic and we had a great time, until… we didn't.

There is a brick at Del Mar that is dedicated to my son, Leo, and my grandfather, Leo. It is always nice to see this brick and I appreciate that we were able to honor my son and grandfather at such a beautiful place.

Unfortunately, after several drinks, my emotions got the better of me. I returned to the brick and began to cry. People came up to me to see if I was ok. This gave me the chance to share my story, which made me even more emotional.

I got to the point where my emotions (and the drinks) really got to me. I ended up ruining our evening, which I take full responsibility for.

4 1/2 years after the death of my baby boy and I still run into emotional land mines. I miss him sooooooo much. I have got to find healthier ways to deal with this pain, other than drinking. My son's memory deserves better, my daughters deserve better, my wife deserves better, my family deserves better.

Peace, finally

It’s been a little over 4 years since we lost our little Leo.  I believe I have gone through the worst of my grief, anger, and pain.  Life has for the most part gotten back to normal, I guess as normal as it can be. I still think about my boy everyday and sometimes I still fall into the “what if” trap.  

4 year angelversary 

Today we remember you Leo! We never will forget our little Buddy Bear 🙂 Four years ago your soul went home to Heaven. I’m often heartbroken, I’m usually numb to those feelings. Some days are better than others. Today was a good day, your mother and I went to the cemetery and we cleaned your headstone. We also repainted one of the engravings on your headstone. Today, as always, I wish you were here. I love you with all my heart, my son. Love dad