About

cropped-image11.jpgWelcome and thank you for visiting my blog.  In April of 2013 my wife and I lost our son to SIDS. I decided to write about my feelings and experiences to share with you all because dealing with this alone would be crazy. Here you will read my raw, uncut honest thoughts. I hope that in some way my journey can help someone else as they deal with tragedy.

At about 2 am on Wednesday, April 11, 2013 our world was shattered by the sudden passing of our 3 1/2 week old son, Leo. 

This blog is my way of remembering our baby son and how I am doing trying to moved forward. I will always love you, Baby Leo.

Love, dad

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Birthdays

The only thing I want for my birthday is to spend time with my kids…all of my kids. I don’t need a party, gifts, or cake. What I need is continued reassurance that this life is worth fighting for. For me, that reassurance is my children.

Dia de Los Muertos 2017

Leo,

Your mother and I spent the day at La Vista Memorial Park honoring you and your grandparents who have passed. I know yo were there with us! I love you son 😉

I over did it, again

Yesterday, we went to the horse track with some friends. The day was fantastic and we had a great time, until… we didn't.

There is a brick at Del Mar that is dedicated to my son, Leo, and my grandfather, Leo. It is always nice to see this brick and I appreciate that we were able to honor my son and grandfather at such a beautiful place.

Unfortunately, after several drinks, my emotions got the better of me. I returned to the brick and began to cry. People came up to me to see if I was ok. This gave me the chance to share my story, which made me even more emotional.

I got to the point where my emotions (and the drinks) really got to me. I ended up ruining our evening, which I take full responsibility for.

4 1/2 years after the death of my baby boy and I still run into emotional land mines. I miss him sooooooo much. I have got to find healthier ways to deal with this pain, other than drinking. My son's memory deserves better, my daughters deserve better, my wife deserves better, my family deserves better.

Peace, finally

It’s been a little over 4 years since we lost our little Leo.  I believe I have gone through the worst of my grief, anger, and pain.  Life has for the most part gotten back to normal, I guess as normal as it can be. I still think about my boy everyday and sometimes I still fall into the “what if” trap.  

4 year angelversary 

Today we remember you Leo! We never will forget our little Buddy Bear 🙂 Four years ago your soul went home to Heaven. I’m often heartbroken, I’m usually numb to those feelings. Some days are better than others. Today was a good day, your mother and I went to the cemetery and we cleaned your headstone. We also repainted one of the engravings on your headstone. Today, as always, I wish you were here. I love you with all my heart, my son. Love dad

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Unexpected 

I received an unexpected gift at the cemetery yesterday.  Click on the video link to check it out https://youtu.be/_d6wg9uVG2A